Thursday, 26 March 2015

One Fine Day in the Waitrose Free Coffee Queue

INT. WAITROSE - MORNING

Customers queue at the free coffee machine. Quite a lengthy queue, 7 people deep.

A man stands waiting at the machine as it whips up a cappuccino.

Someone enters the shop. Attempts to pass through the queue on their way somewhere else. THE QUEUE growls, fidgets, begrudgingly lets him through. It's tense.

The cappuccino customer finishes, and the queue jolts forward. The FIRST IN LINE CUSTOMER stabs at the buttons.

FIRST
"Milk... low?"
The queue jostles and rhubarbs, mild panic.
STAFF MEMBER
Don't worry, Pete's just gone down to get some. Won't be a minute.
The queue nods and mutters to itself.
THE QUEUE 
Oh, ok, he's just gone down to get some, yes, yes, alright, all is fine, all is good...
Someone enters the shop, attempts to pass through the queue on their way somewhere else. THE QUEUE growls, fidgets, begrudgingly lets her through.

They stare ahead at the coffee machine. "Milk Low" blinks back at them. 

Beat.

FIRST
What's taking him so long?  
THIRD
What could he possibly be doing down there?
SECOND
Why don't we just go grab it ourselves?
FIRST
What? We can't do that.
SECOND
Why not? It's free out the machine. We could just go grab it! 
FOURTH
All the milk in the shop is free, then?
FIFTH 
And the coffee?
SIXTH 
And the water?  
SEVENTH
Let's just fucking grab it!
SECOND
Grab it all! Grab it all!
Someone enters the shop, attempting to pass through the queue on their way somewhere else. 
THE QUEUE
Yaaarrrrgh!!
The Queue splits apart, grabbing bottled water, hefting 3-litre bottles of milk out of the shelves, sweeping bags of coffee into handbags, booting over stacks of baskets--

THE QUEUE
Grab it all! Grab it all! Milk low! MILK LOW!
They barrel out of the shop, milk and water and coffee and pastries and ready-meals scattering around them, as the SEVENTH in line rips the machine out of the wall and dashes outside, wires trailing along the ground after him.




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