Non-Explodey

Jeff Bezos's trip to space has generated a surprising amount of pieces on his safety or lack thereof whilst journeying to the stars. As if space travel is dangerous.

It'll be fine, though, right? 

Take the first fact of this little adventure. A billionaire, going into space. Rich men trying to defy God is a pretty common thread for disaster films, but space travel is no longer seen by God as much of a slight (since we've done it a bit and there hasn't been at least a directly identifiable line of smiting). So this one is fine. It's not like, I dunno, Icarus, or anything. 

Secondly, the name of the ship is New Shepherd. Sounds good, normal, non-explodey. 

His brother is going with him. Which makes it extra safe. Like JFK Jr and Carolyn taking Lauren along for a light aircraft flight. 

Fourthly, and perhaps the most un-worrying of all, is the inclusion of an auction winner in the crew. The chance of a lifetime! Literally?

And then, to cap off how perfectly safe and smooth this will all be: the presence of Wally Funk, a trained astronaut who never got the chance to go into space, but finally will at the narratively handy age of 83. 

If anything, this crew is made up of such unremarkable people that I can't even imagine how the biopic will play out. Who would they even focus on? The billionaire who climbed too high? The mysterious auction winner who turned out to be evil? The hapless, Billy Carter-esque brother? The 83 year old Space Cowboy?

The answer: none of them. Because this trip is so boring and safe and absolutely nothing could possibly go wrong.